Friday, 5 August 2016

Hellooooo....

Florida woman stops alligator attack using a small Beretta pistol 
 
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.  What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? 
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:
 "While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open.  She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.  If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!" 
 "Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.... The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.  It's one of the best pistols in my collection!  Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible."
"His insurance was the big bonus. I’m comfortable now." 

I know it has been a while since I have been here but busy busy with working and studying.  Never mind, I am joining in with Annie over at Friday Smiles!!

Have a great weekend everyone.

Hettie 

Friday, 6 May 2016

Friday Funny

 The old man placed an order for one hamburger,  French fries and a drink .  He unwrapped the plain hamburger and  carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them ,... As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything

People closer to the table noticed the little old  lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and  occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we  are used to sharing everything..' Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping  his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?’

She answered


"THE TEETH.'

Off to join Annie at Friday Smiles.  Have a great weekend!!!

Friday, 15 April 2016

Friday Funny...


Men Jokes   .......................
A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT BLONDE FEMALES FLOAT AROUND THE INTERNET BUT SOME MAY BE SURPRISED THAT THERE IS A WHOLE GROUP OF JOKES ABOUT MEN THAT MANY DO NOT SEE.
ENJOY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN.

One day my housework-challengedHusband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied
. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' Brisbane Broncos !'
And they say blondes are dumb...
________________________________________
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you.......
_________________________________________
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
____________________________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour
_________________________________________
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
________________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practising to be men.

_________________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy. .

_________________________________________
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
________________________________________
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..

_________________________________________
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'
_________________________________________

While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world.........
......then He made the earth round, and laughed and laughed and laughed. 

_________________________________________
I am sharing this with Annie on Friday Smiles!!  Have a good weekend everyone!!

Friday, 8 April 2016

Friday Funny


Visit to the Doctors

Those who 'do not' have a perverted sense of humour need to leave now...

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

'Come now,' coaxed the doctor, you've been seeing me for years. There's nothing you can't tell me.’

'This one's kind of strange…'

'Let me be the judge of that,'The doctor replied

'Well,' she said, 'yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies.

"'I see.'

'That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl.'

'That night,' she went on, 'I went again, plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were quarters!

You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!' she implored. 'I'm scared out of my wits!'

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. 'There, there, it's nothing to be scared about.

'You're simply going through the change!


Off to share this with Annie for the Friday Smiles.  You have to admit I have made you smile!!

Have a good weekend.  Think of me having to work hard tomorrow.  My first Saturday shift in my new job!!

Monday, 28 March 2016

Funkie Junkie Poinsettia...

Hello there Peeps!!!

Long time no hear I know.  I have been such a bad blogger lately but I am hopefully more settled now and hope to get back into the swing of things.

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter weekend and that the Easter Bunny came to visit you.

Something I always try to keep up with is my making cards ready for Christmas and I usually join in with Mo's Rudolph Day.  There is still time and so I am sneaking this one in.  I had started to make it before Christmas but didn't finish it due to circumstances so I am sharing it now....

I was making it for the Funkie Junkie Challenge but missed it.  There are so many Snippets in there too so I am taking it to the Playground.  I hear Parsnip was dressed up as an Easter Bunny too and covered in choklit.  I had better take the wet wipes!!

To make the card I first of all stamped the background with versamark and my NBUS Stampendous poinsettia stamp and sprinkled it with gold embossing powder.  I die cut some card snippets with my TH die, inked the edge with versamark and again used gold embossing powder along the edges.  I used some hessian ribbon across the card, stamped a "label" sentiment and tag before adding some snowflakes both wooden and paper.
A peg to hold the label on and hey presto card was finished ready for sending.

Thanks for calling by.  I hope to visit you all very soon.

Hugs

Hettie

Friday, 18 March 2016

Friday Funny

 Late Night Phone Call To The Vet

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours' male dog while the neighbours were on holiday

 She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet,  who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.
 I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"It just worked for me,” he replied.

Off to share this with Annie for her Friday Smiles.  

Sorry I have not been around much lately, but starting my new job and a course recently I have been running around like a B A F!!!  I hope things have settled a little lately and will soon be back to my usual self!!

Hettie
xx

Friday, 26 February 2016

Friday Funnies


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...


The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....
 ________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

 I then said,'Is that your final answer?'

 She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,

'Yes..'

 So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...
________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since. 

 "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...
 ________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

 The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
 ______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

 I said, "Dust."

 And then the fight started...
 ________________________________

 My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

 She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......
 ______________________________


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said,

'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. 

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...
 ________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

 I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

 And then the fight started........
 ________________________________

 I rear-ended a  car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

 That's how the fight started.


Hope you enjoyed my funnies this morning.  Off to share them with Annie over at Friday Smiles!  Have a great weekend everyone!!

Hettie

Friday, 19 February 2016

Friday Funny

Hello Friends

I saw this on facebook earlier and it made me laugh so am sharing  it with you for my Friday Smiles with the lovely Annie....


Having spent my first week in my new job, this just about sums me up!!  My brain feels like it is going to explode with all the new information that has been pushed in there, as well as all the driving!!  But I am in a group with some youngsters and they have kept me smiling all week!so cannot be too bad!

Have a great weekend everyone.

Hugs

Hettie

Wednesday, 17 February 2016

Wedding Card for Alex and Steve...

Hello Friends

Just a quickie to share a card I made for friends of mine that got married recently.  We were invited to the wedding, but unfortunately due to the MIL being poorly.  We missed a fabulous day judging by the photographs we saw.  So here is their card...

This is the nearest I could get to a white on white card.  I just could not do it...needed some colour even if it was just gold.
I finally remembered to use my StickIt and die cut a new Spellbinders die as well as my SU flutterbies die.  I added some VOS gold aurora spots that I bought from QVC back in the day.  The stamp is one I always use and I used gold from Delicata.  This really is a beautiful ink and is worth tracking down if you are looking for a gold.  It took me a while to find it.  

I mounted this onto some gold holographic card before mounting it onto the card.

I did manage to use some of my Snippets up like a good little smartie so am off to the Snippets Playground to play with the mischievous bunch while Miss is out on teacher training!!! 

My lovely friend Mrs A has reminded me that I can join in with the Butterfly Challenge with this card as it has stamping and butterflies on it!!!

Thanks for calling by.

Hettie

Friday, 12 February 2016

Friday Smiles

Hello My Lovely Friends

Happy Friday everyone.  I have a little change to my usual Friday Funny.  I actually have two photos of yours truly going to bed!!


Last Friday I was sat at my sewing machine making the PJ bottoms that you see me wearing.  As I sat there making them, I could not help but think of my Mum and all the happy times we were at quilting workshops, sewing days, lace days and was smiling the whole time.  I emailed our dear friend Annie a picture of the fabric and  told her I was smiling as I was making them and on finishing the PJs on Monday she insisted I shared photos of me wearing them today.  So here I am toddling off up to bed with my Rupert and hot water bottle.  Well it is cold right now!!

Please do enlarge the photo to see the little characters on the fabric.  I bought the fabric in Doughtys in Hereford, purely on a whim as I just knew it would make great PJs!!  I didn't want a matching top so I bought the t-shirt from a store on a well known auction site!!

And now I suppose you want a joke as well.....Here goes!!

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership and past MacDonalds. Taking off down the Trans Canada, he floored it to 120 kph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.


 "Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the 401, pushing the pedal to the metal even more.  Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the RCMP behind him, red and blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nut case as he floored it to 130 kph, then 140, then 150 kph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!", pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the Mountie to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the officer walked up to the driver's side of the Corvette, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man, looking very seriously at the Mountie, said, "Years ago, my
wife ran off with an RCMP officer. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the Mountie.


Right then, I hope you like that one.  Thanks to my little friend Kath for this one!!!

Off to join my friend Annie for the usual Friday Smiles!!

Hugs and have a great weekend.

Hettie


Monday, 8 February 2016

Happy Birthday Tracey....

Hello My Lovely Friends

I do hope you are all coping with this terrible weather we are having right now!  I drove down to Cardiff today with my friend (needed to do a reccy on my new place of work - did I tell you I have a new job?, and we popped to Ikea too!!) and the car did have a few scary moments when the wind buffeted it.  In the days when the old rear engined Skodas were the car of choice in our family, my MIL used to carry a bag of coal in the boot on days like this.  I wished I had one in my boot today!!

Anyway, enough chat, I know you wanna see what I have been up to recently!!  This card wasn't done too recently, but it is one I have not shared before.  Hope you like it...

I used my lully Penny Black poppy stamp, inked with Ranger Archival ink and then coloured in using my watercolour pencils.  Then using my TH text stamp, I made a mask of the poppy and then stamped using DI and inked around the image before mounting it onto some red card. 
This was then layered onto some left over hessian (or burlap to my US friends),  then some Papermania pp and some more red card before putting it onto the kraft card.  
Some buttons along the top and ribbon and hey presto a card was born.  

The hessian and red card were from the vast Snippets collection so I am running with my lead boots over to the Snippets Playground ready to take part in the cookery lesson and subsequent pancake race tomorrow!!  There is talk of chocolate spread, but I am an old fashioned gal who likes the lemon juice, currants and sprinkled sugar with cinnamon.  Who is with me?

Thanks for calling by.  

Hettie 

Friday, 5 February 2016

Friday Funny

Something to ponder as we head into 2016.
 
 
 
Old Man and Boy
 
 
                        
 
An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town, the boy rode on the donkey, the old man walked.   As they went along they passed some people who remarked: "What a shame, the old man is walking, the boy is riding."   
 
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, they changed positions.  
 
Later they passed some people who remarked: "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk," they then decided they'd both walk.   
 
Soon they passed some more people who remarked "They're really stupid to walk when they have a decent donkey to ride."   
 
They both decided to ride the donkey.   
 
They passed some people who shamed them by saying: "How awful to put such a load on a poor donkey."   
 
The boy and the man figured they were probably right, they decide to carry the donkey.  
 
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the donkey, the donkey fell into the river and drowned.   
 
The moral of the story, if you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss your ass goodbye
 
Have a nice day.

Off to join in with Annie's Smiles on Friday.   Have a good weekend.

Sunday, 31 January 2016

First Rudolph Day of 2016

Hello there My Friends

Gosh where did January go then? I don't know about you but I have been pretty busy this month with one thing or another and to be quite honest, I am hoping that February and the rest of 2016 will be a bit kinder to me.

So here we are at the end of January and I have two cards to share with you for the Rudolph Day over at my friend Mo's blog.

Here is the first one...

I stamped some Snippets of red card with the bauble stamps and die cut them with my Spellbinders dies.  More Snippets for the Memory Box ribbon and Penny Black sentiment, a little ribbon onto the background MME paper and a card was born.

And just for good measure, I made another card....

Again I used some Snippets including the glitter paper border down the side and the vellum.  The lady was cut a long time ago when I was with my friend, and I will try and use the rest of them.  It needed a little dolling up when I finished, so added some glossy accents and sprinkled MS glitter over.  The vellum was left over from another card which I stamped the Stampenduous border stamp and embossed gold powder.  No idea where the background music paper came from, I found it in my Snippets drawer when I was clearing it out. 


Running off to my friend Mo's Rudolph Day and the Snippets Playground with my cards.  See you on the swings with Parsnip.  I need a cwtch with my fluffy friend!!


Friday, 22 January 2016

Friday Funny




              

BEST  AUSSIE PICK UP LINE EVER:

An Aussie walks into a pub  and takes a seat next to a very attractive  woman...  
He gives her a  quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a  moment. 

The woman  notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?' 

'No', he  replies,'I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was  just testing it..' 

The intrigued  woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?  
''What's so  special about it?' 


The Aussie  explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me  telepathically.' 

The lady says,  'What's it telling you now?' 

Well, it  says you're not wearing any knickers.' 

The woman  giggles and replies
'Well it must  be broken because I am wearing knickers!' 

The Aussie  smiles, taps his watch and says,  
'Bloody thing's  an hour fast!'

Tee hee!!  I hope this made you smile as I am off to join Annie with her Friday Smiles.

Tuesday, 19 January 2016

T on Tuesday

Helloooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

How are you doing my lovely friends!!  As you may sense, I am feeling so much better this morning. Still have pain but it is getting a little easier to cope with and I feel a bit more like my usual self.  Yesterday I had a very very VERY long soak in the bath and it seems to have done me the world of good.  

Whilst I was in the bath, my Darling Hubby sneaked in my craft room and put the heaters on and told me to stay in there for an hour to have some "me" time.  I have recently been catching up on some videos that I had saved to watch including one from Leandra of Paperartsy in which she shared how to make backgrounds with paint and brayers.

I don't know about you, but I have a bit of a fear of the old brayer on account of not having much luck with it.  So, I took it by the horns, grabbed some paints and created a background page for a layout.  I don't know whether it was my subconscious or what, but the colours seem to lend itself to adding the photos from the accident, which Hubby took on his mobile phone.  We shall see.  First thing was to let it dry.


So today I have come into my room, plonked my cuppa tea next to it, and thought I would share this page with you and Elizabeth for Tea on Tuesday

Here is a close up of my super cute mug which is pre-marriage and was bought for me by my much older sister.  The tea of choice is Glengettie, which is a Welsh blend of tea...kind of a breakfast tea with a bit more oompf in it!!

Thanks for calling by and reading my ramble.  I especially want to say Thank You to Heather, Maarit and Lesley for becoming my latest followers.  I noticed you have joined me recently, but have been very remiss in not thanking you, so I hope I have made up for this now.

Have a good day everyone!!

Hettie



Friday, 15 January 2016

Friday Smiles

Hello there

Gosh it has been a whole week since I last posted on here!  Some of you will not know, but Hubby and I had a car accident last week, whereby we were "t-boned" by another car (hit directly on the passenger side).  Unfortunately I was the passenger.  We were both pretty shaken up and the car is an absolute right off.  I had an unceremonious exit from the car through the tail gate as it was feared that I had spinal injuries.  Fortunately I have sustained heavy bruising down my left side (legs, arm, wrist) a very nasty bruise on my right shoulder where Hubby hit me, and extremely painful bruising to my ribs.  I never realised until this week how much my ribs were connected to everything else in my body and would hurt doing anything....I mean ANYthing!!

So as you can imagine I have found it pretty hard to find much to smile about this week!  However, I have come downstairs this morning, having spent most of the night coughing, which is not nice at all to find some beautiful flowers that my Dad has sent me,with a message in there that made me shed a tear.  There was also a small package of a kind gift and card from two very special people.....



I loves ya guys.  You know who you are!!

Off to join in with Annie's Friday Smiles!!

Hettie


Friday, 8 January 2016

Friday Smiles...

Hello All

As many of you may by now be aware, I recently lost my Mum and yesterday was her funeral.  Whilst we, as a family, are mourning her loss, we have all been taking the time to look at old photographs and talk about Mum, with a lot of funny stories being shared once again.  

One such episode was in 2008 on the occasion of my Graduation.  I shared a photo of Mum HERE, which was of Mum donning my mortar board.  Now I should let you know that neither Mum or I like having our photos taken.  But after the Graduation itself my Dad and Hubby walked to the car park to pick their cars up whilst Mum and I sat on a wall and waited for them.   Then Mum asked:-

"What is a selfie?"

"I will show you."

"Ahhhhhh!"

Want to see it?    Course you do...

I discovered my Dad had not seen this photo until I shared my Graduation Album with him.  It is one of his favourite photos now.  Not bad for a photo of two people who hate having their picture taken!!!

This is my Friday Smile and I am sharing this with Annie.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Hugs

Hettie
  

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Wedding Card for Dawn and Steve..

Hello There

I have a hard day tomorrow so I thought I would share a little card I made towards the end of last year for a friend of mine who was getting married.  .........


I cut the top layer on my Silhouette before mounting it on the card base.  I had lent some stamps to Dawn for her (or should I say Steve) to stamp some images onto their place cards.  Dawn kindly gave me the stamp pads she used and so I knew the colours of her wedding which was the turquoise colour of the ribbon and background.

I decided the card needed some zing, so I spritzed it with Tattered Angels spray, thought the picture doesn't show the shimmer very well, possibly because it had not fully dried when I took the photo.  I forgot to photograph the inside - doh!!

Dawn and Steve loved the card (phew) and had a wonderful wedding day.

Thanks for calling by.

Hettie