Friday, 3 January 2014

Friday Funny

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.


John Cleese
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC


Annie said...

Hehe that's brilliant Sam. Have just read it out to hubby and we are both sat here chuckling. Thanks for your lovely comment today...Christmas and New Year has slowed things up with our move but we are getting there :-)
Annie x

Nan G said...

Oh my, you do find some good'un's, Hettie!

Di said...

BRILLIANT Sam!! You sure do find them.

Hugs, Di xx

Elizabeth said...

Brilliant - there's nothing quite like the belly laugh this has given me for raising the spirits :) Thanks, Sam. Elizabeth xx

Laura said...

Ha, very good!
Where do you find them?!

fairy thoughts said...

he he brilliant Sam my DD2 tried to get tickets for the new monty Python show but the tickets were REALLY expensive.


Love this Post Hettie - had me falling off my chair with laughter!
Sylvia x

Spyder said...

Love it! Always find something really good and funny!! Happy Friday Smiles!


SARN (Stamping For Pleasure) said...

LOVE this one . .. had me spluttering over my coffee and chuckling out loud!

Happy Saturday to you

Hugs, Sarn xxx

Shaz Brooks said...

Loved that, true Python humour! Borrowed it & posted on Facebook, lol. Hugs, Shaz xx

Anonymous said...

Lol, good ole John Cleese. Wonder what he'd write for the Americans! Hope you new crafty bits found homes, my room is is complete disarray, it's freezing here (-13C and dropping), plus we got 13" of snow yesterday, so I've been sitting by the fire knitting instead. Thanks for popping in, and belated New Year wishes!!