Friday, 8 November 2013

Friday Funny

These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). 
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) 
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water. 

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) 
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ...
Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) 
A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. 

Q: Can I bring cutlery in to Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... 
Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) 
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) 
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) 
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) 
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking 

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? ( ) 
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) 
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) 
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.


Annie said...

Thanks Sam. My face is aching now :-) I'm booking my flight to Australia now :-)
Annie x

Kyla said...

Brilliant! I will see you naked at Kings Cross for the Hippo Racing and Choir!!!


Kathyk said...



Sandra (Stamping For Pleasure) said...

So funny! Love it! xxx

Nan G said...

ROFLOL!!! Okay everyone's meeting Kings Cross for hippo racing and I presume, drunken choir singing. LOL

Bleubeard and Elizabeth said...

I'll see everyone at Kings Cross and after the live entertainment we'll spray our naked bodies with human urine and hunt drop bears with my kazoo.


Elizabeth said...

Who could resist hippo races at Kings Cross, especially if everyone is going to be in the buff :))

So funny, Sam, I needed that ... I'm hurting from laughing :))

Thanks for sharing. Elizabeth xx

Karen Petitt said...

lol, thank you huni xx

Kim said...


mamapez5 said...

That was so funny! I had a really good laugh. thanks for sharing. Kate x

Sue said...

hahahaha oh my Sam my face is aching after reading this huggles Sue xxxx

fairy thoughts said...

Just too funny I have face ache now. Omg I am going to dine out on that for ages have screen shot it on my phone

scrappymo! said...

Pictures...we need pictures...of the Kings Cross...ohhhhhh. on second thought, forget it! lol

I am inundating my poor followers with my projects...hope I will get them all done by the deadline! Couldn't post my TP mini album as I already had 3 items posted at the playground!

Twiglet said...

So funny - can folks really be so daft?!!! x Jo

Darnell J Knauss said...

I don't know how Ozlets feel about this post, but I've gotten the hiccups from laughing so hard!! TFS!! Hugs, Darnell

butterfly said...

Thank you for that... I laughed A LOT!!
Alison xx