Friday, 13 September 2013

Friday funny



Dr. Ching’s Prescription for Health:

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it. Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like saying you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? 

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain... Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain....Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? Chocolate come from cocoa bean….vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: 'Round' is a shape!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food & diets!


And here's the final word on nutrition and health:

Ø Japanese eat very little fat…
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Ø Mexicans eat a lot of fat… 
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Ø Chinese drink very little red wine… 
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Ø Italians drink a lot of red wine… 
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Ø Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats… 
And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: 

- Eat & drink what you like….speaking English is apparently what kills you!


13 comments:

Sandra (Stamping For Pleasure) said...

Tres bien! xxx

Annie said...

Oh Sam that is brilliant. I can say 'I love you' in 6 languages....I'm sure thats why I feel so well :-)
Hugs,
Annie x

Lunch Lady Jan said...

Da Iawn! xx

Twiglet said...

Thanks for clearing up my dietary queries. lol x Jo

Victoria said...

Brillopads!

Sylvia/LittleTreasures said...

OK, I'm studying German!I've a book I didn't use while there on vacation! Enjoy the weekend. Cute story.

Karen Petitt said...

lol! I must try that one about cooking in vegetable oil, unfortunately I loathe veg and am always being nagged about it - now I have an answer to those comments lol! Have a lovely weekend x

Caro said...

Fantastic! Definitely made me laugh. Thanks for the smile. Caro x (#6)

Laura said...

I actually use the 'but chocolate is from beans and beans are vegetables' excuse... sad isn't it! :)

Darnell J Knauss said...

I have that joke inscribed on the bottom of my yoga mat, rolled up in the closet! Hee Hee! Ollah!

Debs Willis said...

That's so funny!!! Especially sit ups make your tum bigger :-))
Hugs
Debs x

Neet said...

Love it - but I need no excuses to stray from a diet LOL. Still if ever I do I can turn to this page.
Hugs, neet xx

Mrs A. said...

That sounds like a good diet to me. when can I sign up?
Hugs Mrs A.