Friday, 28 December 2012

Friday Funny


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target (for UK insert with Wilkinsons!). 

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. 

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris 

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr Harris , are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras": 

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. 

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby.. 

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 

10. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 

11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 

12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 

13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

14. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least: 

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' 

One of the clerks passed out!


Sandra (Stamping For Pleasure) said...

I was picturing everything as I read it and was laughing out loud. This is hilarious Sam xxx

Di said...

Sooo funny Sam :)) Hugs, Di xx

Ann B said...

Thanks for giving me a good laugh
Ann B

Amanda said...

So funny, I can imagine all of that taking place too. Hugs, Amanda x. Just wanted to say thank you for your lovely comment the other day, maybe in 2013 we can finally meet up.

Annie said...

I've just read each one out loud to my hubby and now my face aches from laughing....have a feeling it has given my other half some ideas!
A x

Li'l Pidge said...

Same....laughing as read this to hubby......will be watching him closely on next shopping trip!

Eliza said...

I have read this one before, even read it again because it is so funny, thanks for the giggles again.

I also came here just looking for the 25th thingy better do that now.

Still laughing.