Friday Funny

United Nations statistics.

Statistics recently released from The United Nations reveal that: Australian, Canadian, NZ, UK and US men between 50 and 75 years of age, will, on average, have sex two to three times per week, whereas Japanese men, in the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year.


 This is very upsetting news to most of my friends and me, as we had no idea we were Japanese!!!!!!

Linking this up with Annie for the Friday Smiles!!

Rudolph Day - August - What Already??

Hello there fellow Bloggers

 

Now how on earth did we get to August Rudolph Day so quickly??

 

Only three more until the Big One!!!!  Aaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh!  Better get a jimmy on!!!  Not enough cards made yet.

 

So here are this month's offerings....

 

 

I got out my Artistic Stamper stamps and stamped a background with the pinecone using with Potting Soil Archival ink then smooshing the background with Gathered Twigs DI.  I then took more white cardstock and stamped the cottage image and the sentiment with the same Archival Ink and smooshed the outer edge with DI. 

 

 

Then I went on a good rummage in my plain Snippets Box to layer the stamped pieces.  Don't look too close as there are actually two shades of green, but I added a little Forest Moss DI to try and even them out!! The background piece is a VOS piece of K&Co.  Final  flourish is a little wooden snowflake.

 

Off to link this with my Buddy Mo's Rudolph Day and also my buddies at the Snippets Playground.  Have fun and don't forget to let me know you have been!!

 

Hettie

 

 

 

Friday Funny

 

There was a small church in Nempnett Thrubwell, Somerset, England, that had a really big-busted organist, by the name of Bunty.

 

Bunty's breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ.
 

Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female.

The very proper church ladies of the WI were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

 

So, one of the ladies approached Bunty, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week!

 

Bunty the perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples.

The following Sunday morning Tarquin the Vicar got up in the pulpit and said...
 

"Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday."

Tee Hee!  Hope that made you thmile today.  Off to share it with my mate Annie's Smiles on a Friday.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Hettie

WOYWW 324 - Au Revoir Janet Fairythoughts

Hello

As I was about to sit down and write this post last night, I learnt from Julia that one of our WOYWW friends Janet Fairythoughts has sadly passed away.  I dedicate today's post to her memory. 

Farewell Janet.  I will miss your funny comments and kind words of encouragement.

 

Now as it is Wednesday I am taking part in the WOYWW phenomenon with my friend Julia so when you have read my post why not go HERE to see the other desks that take part.

Time to share my desk, which is actually my dining room table, where I have been making a new top for myself. 

 

A lovely new shop has opened up in Abergavenny - Black Mountain Fabrics, and I found myself wandering down to the shop in my lunch break and saw this fabric and then the pattern for the top and knew I had to have it.  Well, I need to support my local fabric shop didn't I!!

 

 

Here is one of the pockets.  I cannot believe that there were 10 tailor's tacks involved in the pockets alone and like a good girl I actually sewed the tacks instead of just cheating with pins!! You can see some of the pink thread I used at the top edges of the pocket.

 

 

And for those of you who want to know what the finished item looks like, here is the pattern.  mine is the purple one bottom left.  I will have to get the man to take a photo of me so I can share the finished top.  I am liking it very much and even got accosted in Waitrose on Sunday by a lady asking me where I got it!!  I should have offered to make it for her but I know I had the last of that fabric!!  Hee Hee.

 

Thanks for calling by.  Now please leave a comment an then off you go to Julia's blog HERE.

 

Hettie

 

Friday Funny

Have a giggle at actual notices that were placed in the classifieds of newspapers in America. Trust those yanks! Illiterate? Write today for free help. Stock up and save! Limit: one per customer. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

 

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. Our experienced mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Semi-annual after-Christmas sale. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Medical plan and salary. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. I hope some of these have raised a smile on this Friday!!  Linking up with Annie for the Friday Smile!!

Artistic Outpost...Two for the Men...

Hello there

 

Gosh another weekend that just whooshed past.  Is it just me or does everyone's weekends go too quick?

 

I have been pretty busy today and one of the jobs I wanted to do was to bottle up some honey.  Now in order to do this I have to break up the comb into a double filter, then let this drain into the pot before decanting into jars.  This sounds simple but it can be very sticky.  You can guarantee that when doing this, one of three things happen:-

 

1    Your nose itches.

2    You want a wee.

3    The phone rings.

 

Before I started I went to the loo and blew my nose.  Can you guess what happened as I started to cut the comb  Yep the phone rang.  It was one of those famous insurance companies - the one with a character called Brian.  I told him Hubby was in bed and I was up to my elbows in honey so couldn't talk. To say this took him by surprise was an understatement!!    He was stunned into silence.  I bet that will now go down in the excuses list!!

 

When I steam cleaned my kitchen floor, I had to do the phone receiver too!!

 

Right, onto today's post.  I recently had a few birthdays of the male species, so had to make a few men type cards.  Not my favourite type of cards. Thankfully the two men in question are not connected so I could make similar cards using my Artistic Outpost Grist Mill stamps.... 

You can see my word of the year on these, as well as the sunshine when I took the photos.

 

 

I raided the Snippets box for some of the layers so I am off over to the Snippets Playground as I hear there is choklit over there.

 

Have a great week everyone. 

 

Hugs

xx

Friday Funny

A newly recruited French Legionnaire found himself stationed in a remote fort in the desert.

After a few weeks had gone by, he took one of the old timers aside and asked what the men did for a good time.

'We use a camel' was the taciturn reply. Revolted, the young soldier turned his thoughts elsewhere, but as time went by and he got hornier and hornier, he could think of little else.

Taking aside another veteran soldier, he asked the same question and got the same answer,

  'We use the camel.'

 Finally, desperate, the young man accepted the fact that the camel was the only available outlet, and one night he sneaked out to the barn.

As luck would have it, one of the old-timers wandered by the barn and caught sight of the young soldier up on a crate, screwing the camel.

'What the hell are you doing?' he called out.

 Rather puzzled, the recruit said, 'I thought you said you used the camel for a good time.'













Yes, but usually we just ride him into town!!!

Tee hee!!  Off to join in with Annie's Friday Smiles!!

Get Well Soon George...

Hello there

Wonderful "summer" weather we are having....NOT!!  Come on summer!! 

I was pootling around my blog and found this in my "draft" or should that be "daft" posts so thought I would share it with you.

Not much to say other than I did a little stenciling, picked some papers out of the Snippets drawer and stamped a Cockeral and coloured him in with Copics and a teeny bit of H2Os on the feathers in his tail.

A little bit of string and a heart cut from a previous card and hey presto a card for my friend George who was poorly at the time.

Off to the Snippets Playground with this.  I understand Miss is having a rest (playing hookey to you and me) and Eve is in charge this week!!  I hope she has eyes in the back of her head to keep an eye on all the mischief makers.  You know who you are!!

Thanks for calling by.

Hettie