Friday Funny

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. ? Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?'

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes.' "

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."

Happy Anniversary....

Hello There Peeps

How you all doing on this Thursday?  We have actually had some glorious sunshine this morning, but it has dulled over in the last few minutes.  Let's hope it comes back!  I heard mention of the S word at Dancing last night and I don't mean the yellow thing that we see in the sky!!!  I hope it doesn't happen.

I want to thank you all for your lovely comments on my last post re the Christmas Album and Rudolph Day cards.  They were greatly appreciated.  

Rightio.  On to today's little offering.

My dear friend and her Hubby were celebrating their wedding anniversary last weekend.  I have a list on which I mark up coming birthdays, anniversaries etc, and I usually put things on there for the next month, so now the list is showing all March  events.  Well the Anniversary card had been on there and I kept thinking it was ok as it was towards the end of the month.  However, on Friday night about 9.30 pm I suddenly thought that OMG it was TOMORROW!!!!  So off I rushed upstairs and half an hour later I came down with this......

The background piece is a 6x6 sheet of my MME (I told you she was a dear friend!) which I stamped with the birdie corner stamp , the bird and a lickle tiny butterfly on the right hand side.  I had a rummage in my Snippets box for some card to stamp on and layer with the birdie in the cage.  Out popped this yellow piece (MME again) and a bright pink piece of card, which did not look good against the MME paper, so I inkied it with Rusty Hinge DI.

I layered the pieces, flipped the teeny tiny last bit of the MME paper over and stamped "enchanting" and then swirled stickles on the flowers.  I hope you can see the effect on the card.  I love these stamps and came free with a paper pack, by Prima, on a card magazine.  I have not bought a card magazine for ages, and to be frank I was disappointed with it but the stamps and paper made up for that!

I did some further stamping inside as well as the love poem that was on my Valentines Day card.  I called by their house on my way to quilting before they went off to their little romantic getaway.  Please do not tell my friend I nearly forgot her card.  I blame it on being poorly for the previous two weeks!

Off to link this up with Di at the Snippets Playground.  I understand that there are no nice hunky men sorting the fence so I shall not stay long as I haven't got my souwester!  It is really dark and miserable outside now.

Nearly the weekend.  Anything planned?  The recipient of this card is up for us to have a fun day of natter and scrapbooking so really looking forward to it.

Hettie

Scrapbook Tuesday - T is for Christmas, and Rudolph Day!

Hello There

What a busy day it is today.  It is Tuesday, so time to join in with a cuppa T with my friend Elizabeth and Bleubeard.  It is also the day when I share a scrapbooking project with you.  AND it is the 25th of the month so thereby Rudolph Day!!

So I would get yourself a cuppa T right now as this is a picture heavy post today.

So to start, here is my scrapbooking project with a cuppa.  As it is Rudolph Day I chose a Christmassey type mug.  Not in your face Christmas, but it is a snowy scene nonetheless.  The cup is of Krtek (aka Little Mole) and was bought in Prague several years ago.  It contains some Twinings Camomile and Spiced Apple tea.  See I am trying to stay on the Christmas theme!  The project is my Christmas Album which I actually finished at the end of January!!  (Hurrah Hurrah) but have not been able to share with you until now....

Album was made by moi from chipboard, cut down, painted and then covered with pretty papers.  I added a die cut of Memory Box flourish, a Tonic flourish, ribbon, TH deer, Papermania owl, wooden Angel and MME Merry Christmas banner.  Once the pages were made I bound them all on my BIA and then decorage.

And now for the edge of the album...

Inside first page.....

Then it opened out like this....

And then this.....

I didn't do them all the same though.  Some I folded and cut and manipulated like so.....

If you are thinking the papers are familiar, I did not buy any new papers for this year's album, choosing instead to use papers that I already had in my collection.  Will someone please polish my halo for me?  There are MME, Basic Grey, DCWV, as well as trimmings from all over the place.  I did use a lot of TH Chit Chat stickers too as they are nice and small.  Please feel free to click on the pictures if you wish to have a closer look too. 

I had to include these picture.  Our Tree, Our Girls, Me wearing a silly had and my mad friend Sian, who after a long time not seeing, we got together again through a mutual friend and Facebook and now see each other on a regular basis!  

New items used on this album are some of the wooden elements, stars, gingerbread men and MC as well as the owl on the cover!  Other than that all the bits are old.

Some more pics. I like to keep the stamps from foreign climes and also this year's current Christmas stamps.  

And finally, our good friends Mandy and Andy usually meet up over Christmas to exchange presents, either at their house or ours.  This year we met at the pictures as we all wanted to see Disney's Frozen and then we came back to ours for tea.  Happy thoughts!  If you are going to the Crop I shall take it there so you can have a closer look.  Unfortunately I cannot credit anyone for the design as I saw something on Youtube and did not make a note of the person who had a similar one.  I say "similar" as I modified mine greatly. 

And now for the Rudolph Day.  My Mate Sandra runs a Rudolph Day challenge for which we are to make two Christmas cards.  Here are mine......

I used another image from the Tin of Shame for the chicken card.  For the poinsettia card I used some new vellum I have bought (mine ran out so valid purchase) and it is beautiful.  I coloured the back of the petals and leaves with Copics.  The ribbon was bought for me by Mandy (above) when they were in US and has been unused until now.  The card is pre-embossed and must be about 5 years old.  I bought them with Angela who passed away nearly 4 years ago!  Not used until now!

Both the Album and the cards contain Snippets so I am skipping down to the Snippets Playground too.  I am sneaking a visit to Hazel's Christmas challenge too! 

Phew!  Thanks for sticking me so long.  Sorry it is a bit of a long post today.  Bet your cup is ready for a refill now!

Thanks for popping by.  

Hettie

Butterflies and Flowers....Inspired by Pinterest

Hello Peeps

I hope you have had, or are still having a lovely weekend.  I have been doing a mixture of housework and craftwork today!  Unfortunately more house than craft!

Today I wanted to share a card that I was inspired by Pinterest to make.  I hope you like.....

Unfortunately I took the photo under electric light and not quite square on but I am sure you can get the effect of it.  I haven't made it for any other reason than I fancied making it and as it contains two flowers and butterflies I can join in with Mrs A's Butterflies Challenge and also take it to the Snippets Playground.  I fancy a green version now.  The inside has been left blank as I don't know who or what it is for yet, though I did put another butterfly in there.

To get the orange strip I used Mustard Seed, Ripe Persimmon, Rusty Hinge and Fired Brick DIs and all the black stamping was with Memento.  The double layered butterfly on the left was made using Snippets so I am off over to the Playground to see what mischief is occurring over there.

Have a good week everyone.

Hettie

Friday Funny

A group of chaps, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.

Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the waitresses had big breasts & wore mini-skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch.  Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the food and service was good and the beer was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they could dine in peace and quiet and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.  Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilets for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch.  Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been there before.

Snippets A-Plenty...

Hello There

I don't know about where you are but we have a little unexpected sunshine today.  It is so lovely to have it streaming through my window right now, and I will NOT be complaining about the fact that I cannot see my screen very well!

Yeay!  It is getting closer to the weekend!  I hope you all have nice things to look forward to.Me, I have my quilting group and I will be taking my latest project as I only have a few short weeks in which to finish it, having lost a lot of time being poorly!

Right, on to day's little show'n'tell!  I was having a little rummage through my Tin of Shame earlier in the week, with the intention of reducing its contents, as well as that of my Snippets drawer.  So first we have this......

The stamping was sent to me by a Special Friend some time ago.  I have coloured it in using Copics, punched some flowers using a Snippet and adhered them and spotted the centres with Liquid Pearls. I used two pieces of Snippets on the card and cut some "lace" from a third.  A little TH tag and SU stamp, with some embroidery cotton and one card complete.

Well, almost complete.  I decided to add some glossy accents to two of the balloons just to give them some shine.

Card 2.......

Another stamping sent to me by the same Special Friend.  Notice a theme?  Again coloured with Copics and then I came across a little piece of MME card left from making my Cousin's mini album.  I added two buttons, recycled from a card.  Oh and some doodling sewing too.

 As I had a teeny tiny piece left, I stamped some banners on and cut them out, to place in the inside!  Can't let nice paper go to waste now can we?

Off to join in the fun and frolics of the Snippets Playground.  Hopefully it will be a little drier than it has of late and there might be some hunky men having a Diet Coke break (other canned drinks are available!)!!  In my dreams I think!

TTFN and thanks for calling by!

Hettie

PS I just learnt that the GB Girls won their bronze medal in the Curling!  Well done!!  Now then Miss, when is our curling rink being installed?  I am sure I have some old curlers somewhere! 

Scrapbook Tuesday - T is for T'Church!

Hello there Friends

It is Tuesday (still) and I have a Scrapbook Layout with a cup of tea to join in with Elizabeth over at T for Tuesday!  Today I am sharing a cup of Glengettie tea in one of my favourite Sophie Allport Chicken mugs!

So here goes....

 

The photograph is of our local Church, St Peter's cloaked in snow.  This is the Church that Mr Hettie and I were married a lot of years ago!    We are stood near to where Mr Hettie's Dad is buried.  Just look at that sky.  Such a beautiful shade of blue. 

Here is a close up of my mug.  I have three different ones.  Mr Hettie has the Bee mugs. 

Down to the layout.  I used Kaisercraft, Graphic 45, MME papers along with some of my favourites....Snippets!  Stamps used were a freebie from Craft Stamper many moons ago, pencils which came from Kim but not sure what make they are, Tim Holtz,

Dies used are Tim Holtz, Sizzix, Memory Box, Spellbinders, Quickutz and Cricut.  The music was a Snippet of cream cardstock which I die cut then coloured with Bronze Distress Stains.

I stamped "Tempus Fugit" on the pink cardstock as time certainly does fly.

A Sizzix cut and layered with TH Doily, leaves and Spellbinders snowflakes.  The pencils were stamped and then Perfect Pearls applied over the top.  Not particularly standing out, but that is what I wanted.

I just love this little TH trinket, and it goes so well with the railings.

Thanks for calling by.  I am off to link this with  T for Tuesday and the Snippets Playground.

Hettie

Happy Valentines Day my Darling

Hello There Folks!

I am back in the world of the living and hopefully Mr Chestin Fection and his buddies have gone on a hike for some time!  I am still not A1 but getting there and tomorrow I shall be going back in to the family of folks known as "work"!  Yeah I know!

I just about managed to drag my aching butt into my abandoned Craft Room on Thursday afternoon for the first time in over two weeks, to put Mr Hettie's Valentine's Day card together.  Unfortunately, not being out and about I was unable to get him a pressie too, so he had to make do with hugs and hopefully no bugs!

So here it is....

I used one of my Sweet Poppy Stencils and some Martha Stewart glitter to make the tree, having cut the background using an XCut die.  I stamped the arrows using WOW embossing powder and made a banner out of a Snippet of cardstock, doodled around the edge and added some Chit Chat stickers.  Oh yes, I also added some glossy accents to one heart and sprinkled some silver glitter on to it.  Well, it is a special anniversary for us later this year!

This I stamped on the inside of the card.  The colour is not brilliant, blame the dull weather for that!  Again I used my embossing powder of choice - WOW!

And this lovely sloppy stamp went on the right hand side inside.  

Me?  I got spoilt with porridge in bed, made with Alpro (other milks are available, but I could not have dairy milk within two hours of my antibiotics), then Mr Hettie brought me a gorgeous card, a huge Boofle and later flowers!  I fink he loves me!

Right then, off to see what is happening in the Snippets Playground as the banner was from my Snippets basket.  

Have a great week everyone!

Hettie

Friday Funny

The Italian Lover, a virile middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point where he led her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile, So, you finish?

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied. No.

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed.

This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The sex finally ended and, again, Guido smiled and asked, You finish?

Again, after a short pause, she returned his smile, cuddled closer to him and softly said, No.

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reached for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely managed it, but they ended together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido fell onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looked into her eyes, smiled proudly and asked again, You finish?

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispered in his ear... No, I Norwegian....

OK so this was the most romantic one I could find!!  Happy Valentines Day to all you hopeless romantics!

Mandy's Album

Hello There Peeps

Whilst I was rootling around my photos, and backing them up on the external drive, I realised that I have not shared these photos with you.  They are the album I made for my Buddy Mandy for Christmas.  I could not share them before as I know Mandy occasionally visits my Blog.

Front Cover.....

Spine....

Closure.....

Now you may want to put your sunglasses on!.....

Mandy is very much a pink and bright colours kinda gal.  When I made this I was thinking of a particular photo she has of herself and some childhood friends as well as some others.  

I used a mixture of Sizzix dies, Memory Box dies, TH stamps, Martha Stewart punches as well as lots of Snippets.

The paper pack I won at a retreat some time ago and was made by Dovecraft.  Not my usual colour pallet but it was rather fun to make this album again. You may remember I used it HERE.  It is amazing how different it looks by using different papers.

I really did have fun playing with the papers and ribbons, pulling out my bright and colourful ribbons.  I love these paper clips that I used throughout.....Ikea!

I can also tell you that Mandy loved it.   Phew!!

I shall be taking this over to the Snippets Playground as it contains plentiful Snippets.  I am also going to join in Simon Says Stamp as there is a heart on the front cover as well as Love on the inside.

I hope to be able to get around more of you this week, but Mr Chestin Fection is taking his time to go!  

Hettie

Friday Funny

A farmer named Sam was overseeing his herd in a remote hilly pasture in Hereford when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. 

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the farmer, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" 

Sam looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing animals and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the Farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Sam.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. 

Then Sam says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" 

"You're a Member of the European Parliament", says Sam. 

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered Sam. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of pounds worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.


AND THAT Friends IS WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT.

Vietnam Part 7 - Final Post...

Hello There

I haven't been around for a few days since I have had a few visitors - Mr Chestin Fection and Mr Sinus Fection and they brought along their friend Mr Vertigo!  Boy has this been a few rough days.  I am not sure how long I can stay on my puter as I am having trouble focusing (or staying awake) for very long.  It started late Saturday afternoon and I haven't been in my Craft Room since.  Boo Hoo!

I missed my T on Tuesday yesterday too.  The layout I wanted to share is waiting to be photographed having finished it on Friday, but I cannot look down to take the shots, so I thought I would share with you the last few layouts of my Vietnam Album.  It may make us all feel a little warmer for a few moments and we can ignore that thrashing rain and wind that is coming down outside our windows.

Once the ride had finished a little way outside Saigon, we were bussed in to our hotel.  They would not let us cycle in to the main capital due to Mr Elf n Safety!  After I had seen the way they rode in on the outskirts I was quite relieved!

Some of us went to their Blind Institution where some of the blind of Saigon earn money as masseurs.  Let me tell you it was both enjoyable and painful.  After all those miles cycling our legs were pretty muscular and some of us had mild burns on the backs of them, including me.  Then it was Dinner and on to a club where a few got very drunk.  I knew I had to be up early the next morning as I was being taken around Saigon by a friend, Mandy, whom I had arranged to meet up with.  We had 3 hours until we had to be back at the hotel to be taken to the airport.  I did not want a hangover for that time.

The top left picture is of the main market from outside my hotel room.  The card is of the hotel.  The larger picture on the right is of the main Post Office.  It was fabulous.  The Church on the left is their "Notre Dames" and as we were taking photos a newly married couple were having their wedding photos taken and we were asked to be in their photos.  Apparently it is the done thing to have Westerners in your wedding photos, no matter how casual they look!  It had happened earlier on in the trip too.

Top right photo shows you what I mean about the driving in Saigon.  Frenzied and no mercy shown!  Yes we took a ride on rickshaws.  I couldn't believe they could smoke and cycle with us on there.  We also took a ride on mopeds too.  No helmets either!  Scary.

The last page below is a montage of photos.  It seems so long ago now but is still remembered with much fondness.  We did all keep in touch for a little while, but not long after the trip Anne left RNIB and moved, and some got married and moved and it all kinda phizzled out, mores the pity.  I still would do it all again, and the hard work taken to raise £2,601 was well worth it in the end.  As I am nearing another big birthday, I have been asked if I will do something like this again.  Ask me on a day when I am feeling better!

Thanks for popping round.  I will try and get to you all over the next few days but time on laptop is limited to how long I can focus.

Hettie

Tulips in the Wind

Hello There

Sorry I have been hiding this week.  I have a manic week with an emergency dash to MILs after she had a fall on Wednesday evening so I missed posting on Wednesday.  MIL is fine with a dented pride, bump on her forehead and a shiner of a black eye.  No long term damage but it was a bit of a worry at the time.  The out of hours GP could not be bothered to get off his overpaid a**e and we had to call the paramedics out.  The Paramedic was a very nice man and told us we did the right thing.  It is no wonder the ambulance service is like it is if GPs won't do their job!

I went out lunchtime yesterday to spend my voucher at the Art Shop on some paints, art journals and spatulas.  I am looking forward to getting my hands dirty this weekend.

Right onto today's post   I needed to make two birthday cards for two very special peeps and decided to dig out one of my first dies I bought when I had my Big Shot all those years ago. 

I embossed the background card part way with my SU folder and then scored two narrow lines and placed snippets of ribbon across.  I had a rummage through my Snippets drawer and came up with these.  The spotty was left over from a scrapbook layout.  The pieces below were from the spray box.

I tried using silicone on these cards to give a layered look.  Never again!  I was forever cleaning up my little messes! 

The rest of the greens were all from various projects and the orange backgrounds pieces were from a very old pack I bought many years ago.  I placed corners on the one above but decided to use up some sparkly spots for the others.

I even decorated the interiors with some teeny tiny tulips too but I have forgotten to upload that photo!  Duh! All the sentiments were done with Hero Arts and the inside sentiment was my favourite Penny Black.  As usual I made four cards, two to use and two for my box. 

I am just going to sneak in to the Snippets Playground before Miss shuts the gates in the morning and while the mischievous ones are asleep.   Have a great weekend y'all!

Hettie