Friday, 4 December 2015

Friday Funny

 A Very good friend of mine shared these with me so I am just passing them on to you.....

Marriage (Part I)

Macho man married good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.  I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. 

Those are my rules. Any comments?'

 
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

 
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'
'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

 
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

 

 
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Marriage (Part III)

 
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.  Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

 
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

 
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Marriage (Part IV)

 
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

 
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
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THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

 
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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
Now that I have made you smile, hope over to Annie's where you will see more reasons to smile!

15 comments:

Annie said...

Oh Sam....I've just read those out to the other half and we are both chuckling now. Also read the one below about the Easter bunny....how do you find them? Thanks for sharing them.
Hugs,
Annie x

Robyn Oliver said...

Hi Hettie and happy Friday. you always manage to bring a smile and a chuckle with your jokes...these are crazy. Have a wonderful weekend Hugs Robyn

Angela Radford said...

Brilliant! Lots of reasons to smile here today, you are so clever to find them. Sending hugs, Angela x

JoZart Quilts said...

Priceless! What a good selection this week and all have a message! Thanks for all your smiles,
Jo x

Twiglet said...

Guess thay had us all laughing then Sam - thanks lots. x Jo

Lisca Meijer said...

Yes, that certainly made me smile! And after dinner i read them out to my DH and we both had a giggle.
Have a good week,
Lisca

Carol L said...

Oh my gawd, those are good ones - especially the last one! I love the silent treatments! LOL

sue jones said...

ha Ha they are great- I do love the silent treatment :) Have a great week. Soojay xx

Maarit at Violets Corner said...

Haha, this was a great post, enjoy the weekend sweetie!

Love and hugs
Maarit

CraftygasheadZo said...

Oh Sam I am sure chuckling at those. Hope you had a lovely weekend. Apologies for my latenesss but as you know from my post I've been away this weekend visiting my boy. Take care Zo xx

mamapez5 said...

Yep. You made me smile this week. Have a good week. Sorry for the late visit, but I am getting round in the end. Kate x

Michelle Reed said...

You've left me laughing out loud (I read them to hubby and he was laughing too)!
Have a great week!
Hugs,
Michelle

MaryH said...

I read these on MOnday, and they are STILL funny! Gave me a big smile to start on the week, so TFS! Hugs. (and hope you will join in the HLS Christmas challenge!)

Mrs A. said...

Keep em coming is what I say. Hugs Mrs A.

p.s. This is a fine time to be telling me you need a note from your Mam in order to be in the play!! Full dress rehersal is at 4pm sharp this Friday. Shows are this weekend in the playground . Make sure your tea towel is washed and ironed with no folds in it.

butterfly said...

Smile? I'm shouting with laughter again - especially that last one!
Alison xx