Friday, 20 February 2015

Friday Funny - One for the Men!

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Chocolate is just another snack...

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.


___________________________________

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.


EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators...YEP!!!


MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!


SO, share this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it .....

and to the men who will enjoy reading it!

Linking this with my Buddie Annie for Friday Smiles. 


10 comments:

SARN said...

Hee hee! Some of that is very true! xxx

Annie said...

Oh Sam. What can I say? I've just read that out to him indoors...and begining to wish I hadn't lol Soooooo funny and soooo right in so many ways :-)
Hugs,
Annie x

Susanne Vargas said...

Tooo funny and so true! Thanks for making me chuckle every Friday!

Karen Petitt said...

Oh so perfectly and wonderfully true! Tee hee Karen xx

Twiglet said...

It's true then.. Men are from Mars. Thanks for sharing. x Jo

LesleyG said...

Brilliant! xxx

Kathleen said...

Great, some of these things certainly apply to Chris, but definitely not the one about throwing the money in and not wanting change, he would have his calculator out.
Have a great weekend.

Kath x
don't bother checking, still nothing posted.

Bleubeard and Elizabeth said...

Although it's now Saturday, I still found this funny. I will ask my married friends if it's true, but I know a few things that are, for sure. Loved this and SO enjoyed reading it.

Judys Fabrications said...

Gosh..too true!Good laugh!Thanks.

butterfly said...

I'm sorry to have got so behind - but it's great having several Friday chuckles in a row!
Alison xx