Friday, 12 July 2013

Friday Funny

The following are all replies that xxxxx (I am not wishing to cause a rift in international relations here so have deleted the name of the city, I will only say that it is in an English speaking country across the water from the UK) women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'Father's Details,' or putting it another way...

Who's your baby's Daddy? 

These are genuine excerpts from the forms. 

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night. 

2. I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. 

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number? Thanks... (The runner-up).

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again. 

6. I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.. Please advise. 

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me. 

8. Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you axe him what he did with my AC/DC CDs? Child B who was also borned at the same time..... well, I don't have clue. 

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom . 

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave, mine might have remained unfertilized. 

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart. (This made number #1).



Annie said...

Oh Sam those are just brilliant. Thank you for sharing them and making my day.
Annie x

Twiglet said...

Oh dear - can they possibly be true? Thanks for that Hettie - Friday's are always smiley days now. Jo

Karen said...

OMGee lol, please don't ever let these peeps come to power or be important in anyway - it worries me sometimes lol! Karen x

Angie said...

That was brilliant ....I loved each one funny ...again they gave me more than just a smile this week. xx

Tracy said...

My mother and I both have tears running down our faces. Thanks for that!

JoZart Designs said...

Can't believe what I read... so utterly funny. Thanks for the laugh! Huge laugh in fact!
Jo x

Sarn said...

Very funny! xxx

Caro said...

Oh my! It makes my mind boggle...are they really true!!! Very funny. Thanks for the smile. Caro x (running late at #9)

Elizabeth said...

Just brilliant - I'll be chuckling all evening now ... you've got to admire these women's sense of humour and their spirit :)) Elizabeth xx

butterfly said...

A scream - thank you! Number 5 is my winner...
Alison xx

Kyla said...