Hellooooo....

Florida woman stops alligator attack using a small Beretta pistol 

 

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.  What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself? 

A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her own words:

 "While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its large jaws wide open.  She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.  If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today!" 

 "Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.... The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.  It's one of the best pistols in my collection!  Plus the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible."

"His insurance was the big bonus. I’m comfortable now." 

I know it has been a while since I have been here but busy busy with working and studying.  Never mind, I am joining in with Annie over at Friday Smiles!!

Have a great weekend everyone.

Hettie 

Friday Funny

 The old man placed an order for one hamburger,  French fries and a drink .  He unwrapped the plain hamburger and  carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them ,... As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything

People closer to the table noticed the little old  lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and  occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we  are used to sharing everything..' Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping  his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?’

She answered

"THE TEETH.'

Off to join Annie at Friday Smiles.  Have a great weekend!!!

Friday Funny...

Men Jokes   ....................... A LOT OF JOKES ABOUT BLONDE FEMALES FLOAT AROUND THE INTERNET BUT SOME MAY BE SURPRISED THAT THERE IS A WHOLE GROUP OF JOKES ABOUT MEN THAT MANY DO NOT SEE. ENJOY THIS OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN. One day my housework-challengedHusband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' Brisbane Broncos !' And they say blondes are dumb... ________________________________________ A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...' The woman replies, 'I'll miss you....... _________________________________________ 'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?' 'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied. ____________________________________ Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumour _________________________________________ Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN ________________________________________ Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practising to be men. _________________________________________ Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. . _________________________________________ Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. ________________________________________ Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end to wipe.. _________________________________________ Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals' _________________________________________ While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world......... ......then He made the earth round, and laughed and laughed and laughed.  _________________________________________ I am sharing this with Annie on Friday Smiles!!  Have a good weekend everyone!!

Friday Funny

Visit to the Doctors

Those who 'do not' have a perverted sense of humour need to leave now...

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

'Come now,' coaxed the doctor, you've been seeing me for years. There's nothing you can't tell me.’

'This one's kind of strange…'

'Let me be the judge of that,'The doctor replied

'Well,' she said, 'yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies.

"'I see.'

'That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl.'

'That night,' she went on, 'I went again, plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were quarters!

You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!' she implored. 'I'm scared out of my wits!'

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. 'There, there, it's nothing to be scared about.

'You're simply going through the change!

Off to share this with Annie for the Friday Smiles.  You have to admit I have made you smile!!

Have a good weekend.  Think of me having to work hard tomorrow.  My first Saturday shift in my new job!!

Funkie Junkie Poinsettia...

Hello there Peeps!!!

Long time no hear I know.  I have been such a bad blogger lately but I am hopefully more settled now and hope to get back into the swing of things.

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter weekend and that the Easter Bunny came to visit you.

Something I always try to keep up with is my making cards ready for Christmas and I usually join in with Mo's Rudolph Day.  There is still time and so I am sneaking this one in.  I had started to make it before Christmas but didn't finish it due to circumstances so I am sharing it now....

I was making it for the Funkie Junkie Challenge but missed it.  There are so many Snippets in there too so I am taking it to the Playground.  I hear Parsnip was dressed up as an Easter Bunny too and covered in choklit.  I had better take the wet wipes!!

To make the card I first of all stamped the background with versamark and my NBUS Stampendous poinsettia stamp and sprinkled it with gold embossing powder.  I die cut some card snippets with my TH die, inked the edge with versamark and again used gold embossing powder along the edges.  I used some hessian ribbon across the card, stamped a "label" sentiment and tag before adding some snowflakes both wooden and paper.

A peg to hold the label on and hey presto card was finished ready for sending.

Thanks for calling by.  I hope to visit you all very soon.

Hugs

Hettie

Friday Funny

 Late Night Phone Call To The Vet

A dog lover, whose dog was a female and in heat, agreed to look after her neighbours' male dog while the neighbours were on holiday

 She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet,  who answered in a very grumpy voice.

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs.

 I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

"It just worked for me,” he replied.

Off to share this with Annie for her Friday Smiles.  

Sorry I have not been around much lately, but starting my new job and a course recently I have been running around like a B A F!!!  I hope things have settled a little lately and will soon be back to my usual self!!

Hettie

xx

Friday Funnies

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

 ________________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

 I then said,'Is that your final answer?'

 She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,

'Yes..'

 So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since. 

 "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

 ________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

 The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

 ______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

 I said, "Dust."

 And then the fight started...

 ________________________________

 My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

 She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

 ______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said,

'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. 

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...

 ________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

 I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

 And then the fight started........

 ________________________________

 I rear-ended a  car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

 That's how the fight started.


Hope you enjoyed my funnies this morning.  Off to share them with Annie over at Friday Smiles!  Have a great weekend everyone!!

Hettie